THE UHURU

Peter Billig
THE UHURU

Albeit the Uhuru tribe has been known to the ethnographic society for ages, it has not been described otherwise than in useless allusions and generalities. The reason for this is that, before me, no man (or woman) of science could bring himself to settle among them: even though the Uhuru cover their bodies tightly with their tribal garb, they leave the genitalia uncovered and whoever wants to set up house with them or even come near them has to dance to their tune.
Especially, they shield the face from the others’ gaze considering it the most intimate part – to the degree that they put the complete ethnic attire on the newborn: to start with, a hood with slits for eyes, ears, nostrils and mouth, then a jacket provided at the breasts with two pockets open downwards, and long trousers with a “décolletage” spanning the underbelly and the privy parts, and at last soft skin shoes.
They recognise each other by their genitals, and even more: they comprehend each others mood, frame of mind and even character, if it is an unknown tribesperson they meet, as other peoples do from the face.
When two Uhuru meet, they take each other by the reproductive organs and fondle them the more intensively the more sympathy they feel for each other. If they don’t like each other, they settle for a token touch. While greeting the opposite sex, they follow the example but should they wish to express cordiality, they copulate and even put their palms down the aforementioned breast-pockets and rub each other’s breasts: these caresses are the equivalent of kisses and hugs in other cultures.
The children sired as result of such greetings remain in the mother’s custody and inherit her family name, because for the matriarchal Uhuru the identity of the father is immaterial. Nevertheless, this attitude is a kind of gentleman’s agreement since the fathers identify faultlessly their progeny: and not only the sons, which could be understandable, but also the daughters. Siblings of one and the same womb must not have sexual intercourse – it is a very strong taboo, and that is why brothers and sisters confine their greetings to stroking each other’s privy parts, and only in very elated moments, e.g. after a long separation, masturbate each other.
Marriage amongst the Uhuru is based on principles different than elsewhere. To a chosen single, whose gender, age and degree of kinship is of no consequence, they make a proposition to go together to a secluded spot and there, in complete darkness, they take off their hoods and fondle each other’s faces. They do it repeatedly in stronger and stronger light and at last, on the day they distinctly have seen each other’s facial traits, they consider themselves a married couple. Then they move together into one hut – sometimes even into the same room! – and if it is two females they take their children with them, on condition that every child dwells in a room of his/her own.
It is so because the Uhuru take off their clothes, and the hood in particular, exclusively in connection with hygienic procedures, and to be seen without the hood is the most nightmarish experience that can occur to an Uhuru, so they live separately, wash the children in the dark and you never ever enter anybody’s quarters without permission. The most dreadful curse you can put on a fellow Uhuru is: May your hood fall off! Even to see one’s own countenance is not considered decorous, so before they begin their toilet they ruffle the surface of the water. Mirrors are considered the most abominable objects in the world.
Yet, to uncover your face in front of the beloved – and this person only – constitutes the erotic substance of marriage. A revaluation of values takes place and the very thing, which otherwise would be unbearable, becomes rapture much stronger than orgasm. The couple relish it even several times a day – as their libidos take them – and they are unwaveringly faithful to the partner.
Of course, all these eccentric practices, unheard-of among other peoples, are dictated by religion. But whoever should think the Uhuru heathen, would be utterly wrong; on the contrary – they are fiercely monotheistic. According to their beliefs, the Only God, Yu-hu-vu, having created Heaven and Earth, plants and beasts created also a woman and a man: U-vu and U-du-mu. But as He had made them in His image and after His likeness, He commanded them, in order to prevent them from becoming too familiar with Him because of that superficial resemblance, to cover themselves from head to toe with the exception of what made them outwardly different from Him: the genitals – because He, as the Divine Being, is sexless. The insubordinate U-du-mu and U-vu, though, did not obey Yu-hu-vu. On the contrary, just to spite Him they covered their reproductive organs; in retaliation, He took their immortality from them and sentenced them and their progeny to a short life in the sweat of their brow, in diseases, wickedness, fear and insecurity.
Years flew past, centuries were passing and peoples have filled up the Earth; the Uhuru were living as godlessly as the others. All of a sudden, one of the members of the tribe – a man called Yu-su-su – had a revelation: Yu-hu-vu manifested Himself for him and enunciated that His anger has abated and He wishes to offer humanity another chance to repent – and the Uhuru have been chosen as the tool of this recovery. Therefore, let them clothe themselves in seemingly fashion and allow nobody to befoul His face – mirrored in the face of every human being – with gaping eyes. Only the countenance of one other person they are allowed to see – the one most beloved – because in that face they will be venerating – Him! In return, He will bestow upon them more and more favours and, at last, will return to them everything they had lost because of U-vu’s and U-du-mu’s stupidity.
At first, the Uhuru scoffed at Yu-su-su’s words and attire, but as he was sticking zealously to his purpose and since his speeches had an overwhelming effect, first a few then more and more numerous tribesmen and tribeswomen believed that he is the Apostle and followed his example.
And they have never regretted. First, the internecine warfare within the tribe, a scourge of many centuries, has stopped as if by magic. Epidemic diseases disappeared, then normal diseases – first the grave ones, then the not serious – never to return, and everybody lived into a ripe old age. The Uhuru’s hunting grounds were teeming with game as never before, the rivers were full of fish and the fields were yielding crops beyond compare while the neighbours, as I witnessed in person, were tormented by constant epidemics, wars, famine, poverty and squalor.

Consumed by my hunger for knowledge I spent three years amongst the Uhuru. When I deemed my data complete I went back to the civilisation in order to set it in order and publish.
I am sitting in a hotel room behind a locked door, surrounded with provisions, and I write these words, which were meant to be a scientific paper but became a request for forgiveness.
There is just one horrible moment yet to come – a visit at the post office to send this message – and then back to the Uhuru!
Goodbye, Dear Wife! Farewell, Beloved Kids! Be well, Friends! Please, bear no grudge against me!
And, for Yu-hu-vu’s sake, cover those mugs of yours!

© Peter Billig 2007